A hibernation.

I had so many expectations. So many things I had planned and this heart that is rotted, for a moment felt full. I had dreams in which it had already happened and it made the passing of time feel fluid in my head. I wanted something I couldn't have. Maybe I can never have it again.

But I wanted.

I wanted with such a full soul. I had this need and desire that burned at night. Illuminated my organs and pulled at my throat making me sing. Stolen minutes between classes, on walks, or any spare moment was consumed with you.

And now it is not.

Now it is consumed with you and how I do not have you. Can't have you.

Will probably never know you again.


Listen to Devendra Banharts "I remember".

Dont listen to Regina Spektor. She will make it hurt much worse.





I remember.

I remember a faraway laugh
A sweet caress
You'd help me zip up my dress

I remember your arms around my neck
21 shells wrapped in my nest
Endlessness
Didn't last

I won't change
Given the chance

And I remember no place for me to hide
Before you came home at night
I remember you turning out the lights
All I ever saw was the red in your eyes
No big surprise
Happened nearly every night

Your own flesh and blood
I did wonder why

I remember not knowing what to say
And how calm you had remained
Your child stillborn with no name
I remember the never-ending summer rain
Oh
Please don't let what was get in the way of what's next
Don't forget
That what's to come hasn't come yet

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